Where to Begin?!

Hello! I can hardly believe it's been so long since my last post. As the school year came to a close, I found myself with multiplying to do lists, and editing photos and writing photos fell to the bottom of that list.

So...where to begin?
 
I can honestly say that this year has been filled with so many challenges, yet even more blessings. It's hard to put into words how much I grew professionally, spiritually and relationally. The challenges led me to trust in God and His plans, even when I could not always see or understand His purpose.

I know my struggles often come back to control - plans, reactions, events, circumstances, and, my own path. However, I could feel that God was trying to rid me of that burden, as it never really belonged to me to begin with. Though enormously difficult to do, especially at first, I felt more free with each baby step. I walked by faith and not by sight, and I felt more peace and perspective than I had in a long time.

Once I stopped waiting and longing for things on my time, my little family was overwhelmingly blessed. A year ago, John made an admirable and brave decision to leave dental school. He knew in his heart that a career in dentistry wouldn't fulfill him, and he decided to pursue a career he was passionate about. His perseverance and faith during that time is indescribable. Even when I struggled, he would remind me that he hadn't given up hope. And his faith was rewarded when in one week he was offered not one, but two positions in his field of choice - finance.

As we celebrated his accomplishments and diligence, I learned I was selected as an Education Policy and Advocacy Fellow through Leadership for Educational Equity. I was thrilled by this opportunity, but nervous as it meant I would spend the summer in Chicago without my little family. John's unwavering support and encouragement led me to accept the summer fellowship and venture back to the Windy City.

I had faith that my living arrangements would work out - as hard as it was for me to not return to worrying or fretting. God provided - again! - and an amazing opportunity from a generous friend brought me to one of the best addresses in Chicago.

I miss John and Hoosh terribly, but I was fortunate enough to see them both the last two nights, as John was in Chicago for some business meetings. I'll be able to see them every weekend until the end of my fellowship, and I know we will get through this short time apart. If we managed to date long-distance for two years, we can make it two months. When we have a lifetime together, eight weeks is but a blink.

I'm in my second week of the fellowship, and I am loving my work. I can't go into details just yet, but I can say that it combines my passion for education and my background in communications. I hope to share more as the summer progresses, but I have lots of other posts to catch up on before then - weddings, bachelorette parties, recipes, gift ideas and more!

Stay tuned, and, if you made it through this wordy post, thanks for reading!

Timing

Let's go ahead and skip the "hello, strangers!"

I've been so absent from my little, itty-bitty place in the blogosphere these past few months. It's certainly been a trying year. I've chosen time with my little family (love you, John and Hoosh!), extended family, friends (though not nearly enough!), and students over daily posts and comments to other blogs. I know this has been the right decision, but I would by lying if I said I didn't miss writing and communicating with all of you!

So...timing...today was a tough day. I felt emotionally, mentally and physically drained. And apparently it was evident, as many people at school took note. I went to a great dinner with my hubby and in-laws before they all headed to Bloomington for the IU game, while I went home to be responsible and work, sleep, etc.

But...I was in a funk. I was distracted from work. TV was boring. I couldn't focus on my book. I was just feeling...ugh.  So I got on my knees and started praying; praying for guidance, strength, peace, wisdom, faith, trust. I poured my heart out. And when I was finished, I was suddenly compelled to pull up my Christmas list on my phone. I was drawn to Amy Grant. And the song I came to? "Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song).

Wow. The words in that song - a song I hadn't thought of since last Christmas - spoke to me and lifted me. I sang my heart out. I don't think it was an accident that I was directed to that song. To those words. Though my prayers might not all be answered immediately or in my time, I felt that God was trying to tell me that He heard me, and that I wasn't alone.

And then it got better. I saw my devotions book and realized that I hadn't done my devotions today. The message: Through the Dry Season. I couldn't believe it was a coincidence that I came across this, and I felt so compelled to share it with you. It comes from Joel Osteen's Your Best Life Begins Each Morning devotional book, a wonderful Christmas gift last year from my mother-in-law Leslie.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven; a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot. {Ecclesiastes 3:1-2}

"We all go through dry seasons in our lives, times when we don't see anything happening. Maybe you've been praying and believing, but your prayers aren't being answered; or, you're giving, but you don't seem to be getting anything in return. Maybe you are doing your best to treat people right; you're going the extra mile to help others, but nobody is going out of their way to help you. What's going on? Is God's Word a lie? Do these principles not work?

"No, these dry seasons are proving grounds. God wants to see how you are going to respond. What kind of attitude will you have when you are doing the right thing, but the wrong thing keeps happening to you?"

Maybe this isn't applicable to you in your time of life. Or maybe, like me, you read that scripture and those words at just the right moment. I will continue to focus my trust in God's providence and to have faith in wait and trial.

Wishing you all a joyful start to this holiday season, and hoping to share some festive recipes and decors with you along the way!

Heavy Heart

When I returned from New York City Sunday evening I was in such a wonderful mood. I spent time in one of my top three favorite cities, and I couldn't have been happier. While I was disappointed about leaving - I could stay there forever! - I was happy to be back home with the hubby and pup. I had plans to write several posts and was excited about it. Until Monday.

Monday morning I got to school and learned my student's family was involved in a tragic car accident, taking the life of my student's younger brother and seriously injuring my student and his mother. As a teacher, sometimes you begin to see the little ones as your own, and I ache for my student and his family, though I know I can never fully understand their pain.

Managing my emotions and feelings over this devastation is one thing, but being the leader of 15 beautiful little people is entirely another. It is difficult to help children struggling to understand, when as an adult I do not fully understand either. Their hearts are heavy, as is mine. And together we've trudged through this week, leaning on our school family and our faithful Lord.

It is times like this that I am so grateful to teach in a Christian school, where we can openly pray for healing and for strength. I cannot imagine how I would be working through this without our open faith and my wonderful colleagues, parents and students. I am reminded of how blessed I am to work here.

As I close, I would like to ask those of you of faith to keep my student's family and our school family in your prayers in the coming weeks. There are never enough prayers, and I know He is always listening.

Too Close to Home

I've debated whether or not to write this post for a few days now.  I wasn't sure it was worth it. I wasn't sure if it would be better to try and forget and just move on. But after days of feeling angry and sad and scared, and festering and stewing over this, I decided that writing about how I'm feeling might be best.

John and I live in that wonderful city that just hosted the Super Bowl - Indy! We were so proud and impressed with all the city did to host this major event, and we were lucky to be so close to all the action. We took advantage and visited Super Bowl Village several times, and really took in all the excitement.

Outside the JW Marriott and with Hoosh after walking to Super Bowl village!

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Then Saturday happened. John was less than three blocks from our apartment when a man blindsided him from behind, knocking him to the ground. He proceeded to kick John in the ribs, before saying, "Give me your cash or you're dead." John gave him his cash, and the criminal ran away. It was only then that one of the 15 people around him bothered to walk up to him and say, "You alright, man?"

When John told me what happened I immediately got in the car to get him. I will not soon forget - if I ever do - how he looked as he walked; my tall (6'3), fit husband was hunched over with a huge lump on the side of his face. He struggled to get in the car, and I immediately lost it. Hysteria. Complete hysteria. There is no other way to describe my reaction.

I'm not much of a crier, but this sent me to a place I didn't know I could go. John was the one mugged and violated, yet I was inconsolable. I barely managed to get words out when I called his mom to tell her what happened. John, as always, was the calm and collected one. Somehow through the violent sobbing I managed to help him, though I feel like I was a zombie.

Hours later my body must have given up on me, as I suddenly fell into a deep sleep. I awoke to John's bruised ribs and face, and his weak smile. Yet again, he was telling me that it was okay. But how could that be okay?

He managed to give me a little smile...he's gotten blacker and bluer since then.

 As friends and family learned of what happened I continued to get messages and calls filled with the same words, "But how could someone do this to John of all people? He's the nicest person in the world!" He truly is. There is not a kinder or more genuine person. Not only that, John would have been the first person to help if he watched that happen to another person.

In the wake of what happened I'm left with some troubling thoughts. What if it had been worse? How could no one have said or done anything? Is it even safe to stay here anymore? These questions have made my chest tight, tears prick my eyes, and fear linger in my heart.

But in spite of those feelings, I've been left... grateful. Grateful for my husband, for his forgiving heart - even when I am not ready, his strength, his graciousness, his safety, and for him, period. But most of all, I am grateful to God. For His protection of John, His grace, and His strength, which I know is the only thing that will allow me to forgive and move on.

So with that, I thank you for reading this long post, if you stuck around to do so. And hopefully, you are reminded to be thankful for those special in your life.

on our honeymoon...had to end with a happy picture!